Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
