Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
