I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
