just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
