Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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