I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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