No more Irish car bombs ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
