I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
