THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
