I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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