I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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