I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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