i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also, beer. Big fan.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
