five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
