I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me