he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.