well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.