i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.