Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
