Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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