After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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