I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There r osticjed everywhere
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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