He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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