i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
