put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
