Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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