Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
