my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
