why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
