If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
