I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
