I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
zippers are such a cool invention
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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