apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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