I can text with my tongue
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
