ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
