Cold hands, warm shart.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
