I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
