Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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