I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
