He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
