So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
