if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
