you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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