im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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