I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We just shotgunned beers for America
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
