i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
COCAINE IS GR8
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
