It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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