a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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