so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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