We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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