i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
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Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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