Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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