god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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