I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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