that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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