what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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