Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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