I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
babies were throwing up all over the place
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
