so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
