Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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