so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
