She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
