her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
