Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
