someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
