Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
