well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
