She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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