Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My vagina is officially offended.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
