its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
