Me. At least after what I've been through.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
