id be glad to
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
