This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Success! We fucked roommates!
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