just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
