We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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