I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
