It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
