At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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