so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize