hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
