When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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