Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
