At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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