Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
