We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
